uh, what's that now?

So, I was talking to this friend of mine and the subject of what makes sex ‘terrific’ came up. I said I could count having “terrific” sex on one hand. (half-pun intended) Good sex, sure, terrific sex; sex I would write home about? (not my home, mind you), Nay. Which, reminds me; I have known too many Lumberginas who love to give me their “resume” of sexual prowess. Without provocation or in any sort of context. For example:

Me: I was at the store the other day getting a gallon of milk when this turtle walked right through the produce section….

Lumbergina: I like butter. Every woman I've EVER been with screamed God’s name in another language and broke all my good china. EVERY. WOMAN.

Uh, yeah. Sure. All that has ever done for me is make me cringe. And check them right off my list of possible “One Night Stands”. My “real” lesbian friends don’t talk like this. I’m not saying we or any of my girlfriends do not talk about sex, but we certainly don’t do this. I don’t care if I make a chick tear the plaster from the walls, I’m not telling anyone that. It only makes me look like a self-satisfying, egotistical asshole.

Er…anyway, so what does make “terrific sex”? I'll tell you, if you’re still reading this….
you’re weird.

By the way, I can break all your good China and wreck the plaster in your house.
*I used to work in construction.

**Lumbergina-A stereotypical blockhead lesbian with all the accouterments.